beltane hangover

I’m hungover from Beltane. Liquid spirits were not involved in this hangover. The other kinds certainly were. This was some party. It seems this Beltane was about reconnecting and remembering ribbons/relationships from the past, of looking at the web of connection in my life in a new way and giving value to strands that had gone overlooked, or I’d let go of, but now show up later in the weft and weave. Mostly I got intoxicated with the wonder of how the story line of my life continues to be spun in ways that I never could have expected. Patterns continue to be woven, but this Beltane, the design really does seem to have changed.

I was not alone in the magic of this Beltane. Jeremy was dancing the maypole and came face to face with an ex-love that had ended several years ago. It was one of those passionate breakups where not seeing or talking to each other is the only way to stay out of the fiery pit. Time to re-visit that! Fern saw two people she’d gone to high school with in Fresno at the ritual and someone she’s known since she was eight. Ilyse had a run-in with a guy she’d dated awhile back who showed up where she was eating breakfast. It resulted in e finally resolving a major weirdness between them. Elizabeth lost her shoes, prompting her to notice how she really does need to feel the ground beneath her feet.

My son was conceived on Beltane fourteen years ago. His biological father, my first love at fifteen, brought him to the ritual. Jay has only been in his life for the past few years. Beltane eve Casey spent the night at his house for the second time. This was the first ritual that Jay has come to. A circle has come around. And I ended up in my living room watching The L Word with a room full of lesbians, including my first girlfriend of 30 years ago and my last one who at spring equinox I was considering dead to me. I delighted in both, felt rich with the changes, and savored the strange brew that this weekend has served up.

So now, today, I sober up. It’s time to clean the house, get my papers together for the next big set of changes (Ilyse buying into the house, my divorce finally happening) and drink lots of water. Unlike many other hangovers, this one involves absolutely no remorse.