breathing balance

 

My friend,  Donald Engstrom,  years ago coined a phrase worthy of generous usage. Every time I say this phrase or write it, his voice resonates in my consciousness.  Every equinox, I think of Donald, for my good friend is deeply committed to the building and nurturance of the emerging "Cultures of Beauty, Balance and Delight."  Beauty, balance and delight – for that is his phrase - are certainly the stuff of equinoxes.

 

The spring equinox is today, and as luck would have it, it is a beautiful day in San Francisco, The sun is shining, the breeze is sweet and fresh, and on the way to my office I was met with more smiles than eyes avoided. San Franciscans tend to take honest delight in a sunny day.

 

Today light and dark are in perfect balance. How rare a thing that is!  Every other day of the year the light is trumping the dark or the dark is trumping the light. But today, they face each other equally….not to do this again until the fall equinox. Tomorrow, light will be a little stronger, and at this point, I’m yearning for that increase in strength.

 

Therapists treat depression, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing – hour upon hour since the economic free fall. Even with my clients who are not depressed, we can't overlook the effect the great economic shift has had on them. For weeks now fear has been a frequent guest to my office.  People are uncertain, anxious, and off balance.  Many are cutting down how much they see me, and some have left therapy completely.  And, old clients I haven’t seen for years are back on my green couch, struggling to regain equilibrium in an unsteady time. I'm seeing more clients than I ever have, but the majority can't afford to come weekly.

 

So, I’m breathing and getting my clients to do it with me. That steady and slow kind, where the exhale and inhale are of equal strength, balanced by the place between.  Our breath is a bridge between the para-sympathetic nervous system and the sympathetic nervous system, connecting what we have no control over with what we do. Balancing these two physiologically has an existential ripple effect, taking us out of the state of fear and able to step forward into an uncertain future with a sense of calm. 

 

It’s spring equinox and I’m breathing into balance, taking delight in the beauty that surrounds me, accepting there's a lot I can't control and taking the reins where I can.  Less money being spent has resulted in landfills receiving 30 percent less trash. 

 

All hail the mysterious power of balance! 

California Marriage and Family Therapist for Marriage Equality

In the summer of 1986 , while attending Reclaiming’s first summer intensive,  I called home and received  news that I had passed my licensing exam.  From that moment on,  I have been a licensed marriage and family therapist in California.  For years before that moment, as a registered intern, and for every year since, I have annually sent checks of a couple hundred dollars off to CAMFT, the California association that represents those of us in my profession.

 

Several weeks ago I found out that CAMFT is NOT representing me, or any other GLBT therapist in the state.  The CAMFT board members have refused for months to take a stand for marriage equality.  All the other major associations representing mental health workers have public statements regarding the importance of marriage equality and see homophobia as an important issue that effects mental health.

 

Because, it does. 

 

I am a marriage and family therapist who’s own marriage is in jeopardy of becoming legally invalid.  I work up close and personal with couples, all kinds of couples. Gay, lesbian and queer couples are no less loving, dysfunctional, loyal, short or long lasting than straight ones. Why should anyone be barred from being legally hitched if they want to take that leap?  And even for those who don’t believe in marriage or would never choose to marry, being denied the same rights as other folks is something that affects identity and self esteem. There's plenty of studies that have shown this. Discrimination is not emotionally healthy.

 

I’m proud that my alma mater, Antioch college, has issued a public statement regarding CAMFT’s refusal to join other associations representing my profession in doing the right thing.  This weekend, one of my colleagues from my association of GLBT therapists, GAYLESTA, will be presenting the case , yet again, to the CAMFT board, on why we need CAMFT to stand up for marriage equality and against homophobia.

 

Hopefully, this weekend the board will do the right thing.  Being spring equinox, I’m hoping that the spirit of balance, fairness, and justice is contagious.

 

Homophobia is something we therapists need to treat, not perpetuate.