Why I Am Excluded from all the Inclusion

I went to Dandelion, the big Reclaiming gathering, being told there would be a pool.  I love pools. I imagined myself sunning and swimming and enjoying all the people I love (and I do love many many Reclaiming Witches!) and avoiding most meetings.

An important intent of the gathering was to address changing the Principles of Unity, principles I was part of creating, to be more inclusive and gender fluid. I trusted that this would turn out okay, and it did. I like the changes, and honor the hard work that went into creating them. 

I was reading David Richo's book,  The Five Things We Cannot Change, on the flight up to Portland.  This  proved to be incredibly helpful when I found out on arriving that there was no pool. One of the five givens is that things do not always go according to plan. The gift of that given is that this we can grow from dealing with the unexpected. I dealt with the bitter disappointment of no pool with maturity. I had good books, a nice chair, and the weather was beautiful. I also had read his book, How To be an Adult in Faith and Spirituality.  I felt grounded and prepared for Dandelion and happy to see my friends.

Soon after arriving,  I went on a walk with Macha to look for the swimming hole. I quickly lost any interest in finding it. Macha immediantly rocked my roots by complaining about the waiver we had signed at registration. I hadn't really looked at what I signed, assuming it was some standard waiver releasing the organizers or hosts from being sued. According to Macha, I had instead signed away my right to talk about anything that happened at Dandelion. I had signed away my right to gossip. I found myself barking at her asking why in all the Gods names she signed it. Macha  didn't have a good answer except she didn't want to make a fuss on coming in. I know the feeling, but there is no way in hell or heaven I could willingly sign my name to such a thing.

Cult, much?

The gossip issue is an old one. Paradoxically, I have been trashed in Reclaiming for  being a gossip because I  have spoken out so publicly on the dangers of secrets and keeping silent. Those who  speak out openly and name group dysfunction,  as in many dysfunctional groups, are often targeted as gossips, troublemakers, racists/classists/and or homophobes and yep, bullies.  I am a psychotherapist, skilled at the uses of confidentiality. In my home community of Reclaiming, I have seen confidentiality invoked inappropriately to silence any talk of the elephant in the living room or to "make it safe" to say something horrible and even untrue about other community members.

My heart sank at Macha's news.

We walked back and I asked around until I found an organizer of the event to talk to. In true dreamlike fashion, her name was Serenity. A perfect name! The Serenity Prayer has been instrumental in me detaching from dysfunctional struggles in my home community and accepting that some things we just can't change, despite our good intentions. Serenity found the waiver I had signed and on my asking, found out how it came to be at Dandelion. It was taken from the waiver from my home community's witch camp. Of course. The organizers being somewhat new to Reclaiming, wouldn't it make perfect sense to use a waiver from the community that birthed Reclaiming?

"The adult undersigned fully agrees to hold confidential all information regarding other participants, especially the emotional process of other individuals, and lifestyle choices of D5 participants. Confidential means to refrain from gossip or commenting on other participant's behavior/personal process. This is to create a safe environment for people to do deep work, and is part of our commitment to eliminate gossip in the Reclaiming Community. Gossip is not supported at any Reclaiming events."

Read that again, slowly.

What mature adult can take a waiver like this seriously, much less sign it? What community commits to eliminate gossip? Is such a thing even possible or even desirable in human community?  Does this not scream, yell and holler red flag?

Serenity assured me I could stay, even though I crossed off that part, along with Macha, Dawn, Donald and Mark. They, other than the organizers, are the  only people I complained to. I was determined not to make a fuss, it would not serve the community or myself.  I stayed for the rest of the day, but part of me continued to be shocked that so many in my home community sign this year after year. It literally boggled my mind. To add insult to injury, I was told by several people it was put into use around the same time as I wrote the article on gossip for the Reclaiming Quarterly.

Mark spoke up about the waiver the next day at a feedback meeting, and pretty much everyone agreed that it was ridiculous.  Outside of my home community, that waiver makes no sense. Why I can't participate in Reclaiming anymore is because in my home community, it does.

And that's just something I can't change.

Accepting that, I had two great days in Portland on my own, exploring book stores and food trucks and hearing tales each night of what was happening at Dandelion from Donald, Dawn, Mark and Jim. I felt at peace that I couldn't participate.  I trusted the people there to come up with good changes to the principles of unity. I did wrestle some with the gathering working towards being more inclusive, yet  the very fact of that waiver's continued existence in my home community excludes me from fully participating in Reclaiming. The Serenity Prayer helped calm me down. Acceptance is the solution to this problem.

If Macha hadn't made such a dramatic exit, I would not be writing this post. I can't change my home community and I am no longer trying.  However, losing Macha and there being no mention of it on the big Reclaiming listserve, only congratulatory e-mails about the changes to the Principles of Unity, compelled me to say something.  Which led to hours of reflection on how to be in healthy relation to the tradition I helped create and what was and is my responsibility as an older adult who in my younger and middle years helped birth this tradition. A tradition that I can't really participate in fully any more.

I can't change that. But, I can keep loving the people that I love, which really is the heart of any spiritual path. And,  I can still use the principles of unity as organizing principles of my life. And,  I can very simply tell my story. I think this is what elders or whatever you call people who have been around for many decades should do. Tell their stories.

So, I am.

Dissent and Reclaiming

The following was a column that was published in the Reclaiming Quarterly, Spring 2002.  Everything remains the same except the faith I had in Reclaiming was shaken deeply when my teacher's guild - The Independent Craft Teachers -put forth a  proposal about transparency and accountability at witch camps. The fight against transparency and accountability was ugly and all of us but one do not remain in Reclaiming leadership or teaching.  What does remain is my love for the Principles of Unity.

Meeting On The Field


From as far back as I remember, I have questioned why things are the way they are. This has worked out well for me as psychotherapist, as much of my job entails having a questioning attitude, exploring with curiosity why my clients are emotionally structured the way they are.

However, the questioning attitude has not been received so well in other parts of my life. Questioning the dress code as kindergartner by wearing my beloved red velvet toreador pants to school resulted in me being sent home. Of course, it did not help that when the teacher informed me that pants were not allowed for girls, I immediately took them off. As a teenager I spent nights alone in my room without dinner after questioning my father as why he continued being part of the war machine.

I was tear-gassed at 15 while protesting the Vietnam war, and again at age 45 on the streets of Seattle. As a young feminist, I confronted rapists and as an anti-nuclear activist risked arrest time and time again. All of this has been harrowing, but nothing has been quite as personally challenging or confounding as being a voice of dissent in Reclaiming.

There are lots of hazards to voicing dissent. One of the perks of using this voice, of questioning authority, can be the lovely rush of self-righteousness, of being one of the good guys who are speaking up against all bad things.

As a Witch, I struggle to let go of this simplistic position of good versus evil, believing that this splitting of the world into two parts - heaven and hell - is what helped us get into the big mess we are currently in. It is one of our biggest challenges as human beings to move beyond our sense of a split world, to move away from seeing ourselves as good guys fighting the "axis of evil".

Challenging and paradoxical, as one of Reclaiming's own principles of unity is to work for all forms of justice. How easy it is when invoking justice to also invoke ourselves as being on the side/scale of good, while others are on the side/scale of evil! If we become invested in seeing ourselves as some sort of Witchy magical superheroes, we make it harder to question and examine our own shadow.

Shadows desire recognition, when not acknowledged they swell in size, eventually blocking out light in their demand to be seen. Our principles of unity provide us with worthy tools for looking at shadow. Fostering the questioning attitude is one of them, as is employing a radical analysis of power. These tools have become somewhat rusty in Reclaiming, as we have fallen into the habit of when employing them, dividing ourselves into camps of right and wrong.

I have been a Reclaiming Witch for 20 years. I have seen us change from a small circle of Bay Area Witches into an international tradition. We strive to be non-hierarchical in a hierarchical and celebrity conscious over-culture. One of our core principles is that our ultimate spiritual authority is within and we need no other person to interpret the sacred to us. In spreading that message, we have created a thriving Witchcamp culture in which teachers have rankings, there is a pay scale, and teachers are treated like rock stars. We have a inspiring famous writer who draws people to us with her work and words.

We have challenges and many of our blessings are also curses as well. Like any community, we ourselves are a microcosm of the culture at large, with all the human foibles that entails. What sets us apart is our idealistic strivings, our belief in magic, and our beautiful principles of unity. In order for us to reflect these principles we need to truly foster a questioning attitude.

In the past 20 years I have put myself and been thrust by others onto one side or the other of the good and bad polarity when the voice of dissent has been raised, hidden hierarchies have been revealed, or questions have been asked as to whether the structures we are creating reflect our values. It is difficult in Reclaiming to question structures without this being construed as a personal attack on those who participate in the structures. Fro a community that prides itself on being an alternative to the culture at large we have proved capable of fostering the same "if you are not with us, you are against us" attitude.

For many, becoming a member of the Reclaiming community is like falling in love. We are struck by the extraordinary beauty and exquisite individuality of Reclaiming. The magic is intoxicatingly transformative. We feel home at last. Witchcamp, our public rituals, Starhawk's writings, and local classes are constantly courting and winning new lovers of Reclaiming. As in love, many leave with the initial rush of infatuation turns to something more mundane.

As we go to meetings, plan rituals, and begin to work in community, we begin to relate to the shadows in both our community and ourselves. As a community, we encourage individuals to do their own shadow work , but as a community we are not so prepared to have the shadow revealed. Like in relationships, many also leave Reclaiming a this point, feeling disgruntled and disillusioned.

The shadow dancing that is required in healthy relationship cannot be done if one partner refuses to acknowledge the dancesteps. In Reclaiming community these are the many unspoken hierarchies and some downright unpleasant politics. Sometimes we function more as a fan club than a community striving to model shared power and open leadership roles.

Many times when the disillusioned lover of Reclaiming speaks out it is not in a loving tone. The voice of dissent is also the voice of disappointment. It is not reasoned or compassionate. It is often bitter, angry, frustrated, and hurt. This makes it easy for us to dismiss this voice as mean, jealous, attacking, or symptomatic of a personality defect if not downright disorder. We rarely view this voice as containing the questioning attitude we purport to foster.

According to Victor Naasy, publisher of The Nation, "The squelching of dissent happens in many ways, one of which is self-censorship. Another is attacking people who dissent by stigmatizing them. A third is attacking people who dissent by misrepresenting what they said. A fourth is where the government says you can't say something, and a fifth is where the government punishes you for saying it".

The first three of these definitely operate in Reclaiming. I know because I myself self-censor out of fear.  I also recognize I have participated in creating climates where others feel afraid to speak. There are times I have breathed into the fear, stated my opinion, and watched the stigmatization and misrepresentation fly. In the past 20 years, I am sure there are those I participated in dismissing who I could have listened more deeply to. I have learned through the years to take responsiblity for how I voice my dissent and watch out for the pesky varmint of self-righteousness. I also try to listen for the questioning attitude that lies under the irritating self-righteousness of others.

I am currently making an attempt to not take the squelching and stigmatizing all too personally. This is easier for me to do than a newcomer to Reclaiming. My marriage to Reclaiming has been long and rocky, but I have the deep and abiding faith that no other spiritual community would be a better match. My sense is that those who make it in a long-term relationship with Reclaiming are those who find a group they have affinity with who can support them when they get blasted for the questioning attitude.

My circle of friends are blessed with a sense of humor and enduring patience. As a therapist, I believe that individuals healing themselves is a revolutionary act. To create a community based on Reclaiming's Principles of Unity is hard and arduous work. Wedding vows rarely mirror the quality of the marriage, but they do give us something to aspire to. We want to create a culture where dissent is allowed and the questioning attitude is fostered.  Of course we have trouble with this ourselves!

As Witches, we say "What happens between the worlds, can change all the worlds." By this, we mean that what we do in sacred space, in that place we create between the worlds, will ripple out and change the world at large.  If we can learn to embrace the questioning attitude and invite different radical analyses of power into our own place between the worlds -this circle called Reclaiming - without reducing each other to good and evil, this would be a true feat of magic. The world needs changing, and we can start at home.

Rumi says "Beyond good and evil, there is a field. I'll meet you there."  Let's meet on that field and talk openly about the problems we have as a community. I will wear some red toreador pants for the occasion. It's time.

Attacking Leadership

For many years I had a column in the Reclaiming Quarterly. It started out as a column on aromancy, but led over the years to be so much more. I post here a column that was published in August of 2003. I had to fight hard to get it printed, the issue being it was seen as an attack on leadership. My column was soon dropped. Rereading it this week, I just shook my head and felt incredibly sad. The blend that was and is Reclaiming has lost potency due to views like mine being experienced as attacks on leadership, and consequently so many of us putting our energy elsewhere. Why can't things like this be expressed in Reclaiming? Feel free to answer... or question!!!

An Aromancer's Dream - Views on leadership in Reclaiming and in the world

I have a magical drawer that is chock full of essential oils. Opening it is always an olfactory experience, the scent changing according to which bottle has been opened last, which random drop still clings to label or top. What pleasure to look at and inhale my storehouse of smells from root, leaf, nut, fruit, and flower! The essence of a field of Bulgarian roses touches up to dram of balsam collected by Brazilians drop by drop, the maple syrup of the Amazon. A thousand stories, a million possibilities lay waiting for the aromancer to blend into something new and delightful.

In my drawer, there are oils that do not get along, that are not compatible. The beginning aromancer is warned against mixing such essences and encouraged to begin with simple blends. Tree oils tend to get along with spices and herbs. Flowers get along with exotics (like ylang ylang and sandalwood) and citrus.

Beginning aromancers are instructed to start simply, just as musicians learn to compose with basic notes and chords, working towards more complex and intricate compositions.

There are about ten essential oils which any beginning aromancer can start to create different blends. My drawer contains at least 100 oils, an overwhelming amount to confront. For the advanced aromancer, a wide array elicits the promise of a good challenge. Perfumers and aromancers strive towards incorporating wildly different scents into their concoctions, scents that aren't commonly thought to work together, crafting aromatic potions with as much drama and flourish as a good opera.

I am part of a magical community as diverse and complex as my drawer of oils, with many of us taking names from the same beings that these oils are derived from.

We started out, like the beginning aromancer starts out, as a small group of individual spirits, which essentially blended well together. We have become an enormous collection of wildly different beings and groups of beings, all held together by the name Reclaiming. Sometimes collections of us create something transformative, and sometimes the blend of individuals leave all feeling foul.

Recently I have been thinking about Reclaiming and my drawer of oils. I have been thinking about conflict, about peace, and I have been thinking about the idea of "leadership".

I realize that as aromancer and Witch, I view my community and drawer of oils in similar ways. Both are made up of spirits which are individual and distinct, which when blended together create new beings. All have worth and value. Some work well with many others. Some don't, but are incredible when handled carefully (like black pepper and mugwort) making what would be an ordinary blend extraordinary. Some I tend to work with more often and feel deep affinity with; some I work with only on rare occasion. All I see as divine, and none are required in every blend.

Many of us are still recovering from our relationship with Yahweh, the God of the Jews and Christians. This God, when faced with those who did not behave as he wished, kicked them out of the garden. This god, when his favorite angel displeased him, sent him packing to hotter climes. How easy it is, when faced with conflict or working with those we find difficult, to imagine them moving elsewhere, or to simply stop talking to them. How much harder to keep seeing those we have conflict with as valuable, and essential to the mix!

And how much harder this is to do globally, to view those we oppose politically as neither evil nor inhuman. It is challenging to see every human on this planet as having intrinsic value, especially when some of those humans are destroying what we love dearly and hold sacred. Thich Nhat Hanh and the Dalai Lama give voice to the many who have survived atrocities to the human spirit, yet somehow remain compassionate and reverent towards each individual being, no matter how damaged and destructive.

I look into my drawer and breathe in the angelica. It is not a scent I enjoy individually, but mixed carefully with lavender and mandarin, it creates a fragrance that revitalizes.

As my spiritual community has grown, we have become more complex. We now have as much diversity and depth as my drawer of scents. There are people in the community I downright don't like. There are those that don't like me. These are not necessarily the people I have had conflict with, given that some of my most potent conflicts have been with those I deeply love. We can look at the clash of dissonant personalities and views as a problem, we can look at our clashes as part of the challenge of creating a truly revolutionary blend.

Gandhi said "If you want to change the world, change yourself". What a glorious challenge! I am choosing to view our community as a testing ground for this, believing that if we Witches can create a sustainable community with room for blending diverse voices, without killing each other, or shunning those we find offensive, then maybe this can happen in the world at large. If we can grow at the rate we have been growing, and stay true to our principles of unity, then perhaps we really are changing the world, one meeting and one ritual at a time.

What I love about aromancy is the art of blending, of combining scents. Blended fragrances have a magic that is more intense, more poetic than the individual scents.
This, to me, is also what is so powerful about working with groups. we live in a time that is an aromancer's dream. We are moving from the time of Pisces into the time of Aquarius. The age of Pisces gave us the romance of the hero, gave us such dreamers and visionaries as Martin Luther King and Gandhi. The Age of Aquariuss is about the romance of the blend, not the individual. In this age, individual leadership is not the point.

In this age, heroes change moment to moment, people working together is the new mythos. No charismatic leader is springing from progressive movements, but instead an amazing sense of people working together. On the streets of Seattle a few years back (and I would add now, in the Occupy movement) what stands out is not individuals, but an amazingly diverse blend of spirits. We are not a homogenized group with one brilliant leader, but a complex and brilliant blend.

To quote Pat Hogan, who was long time individual organizer of BC withcamp who segued into being part of an organizing team:

"The Aquarian Age is all about building community, honoring many, as opposed to individual heroes, working for social justice, building a world of equals, communicating in honest ways and using technology for the betterment of all, accepting all races, orientations, peoples. Some of these values carry over to our own Reclaiming communities which I see happening more and more; speaking honestly and openly, naming the many in our community who have no "titles" but contribute much, questioning authority, questioning what has been in order to find new ways of being and working together, coming together under a common banner for actions and demonstrations."

One question raised recently in Reclaiming is how to "support and encourage leadership". I strongly agree that we need to support and encourage each other into stepping into our power, but I think as we enter this new age, we will be looking for new language and new concepts to replace our Piscean ideas of leadership.

Leadership implies that there is someone wh leads, who is out in front, guiding us. Etymologically it springs from a word which means "cause to go along one's way". As time goes on, my guess is that less of us will be interested in being leaders, nor will we be interested in being followers.

What will interest us is being part of a powerful blend, where one spirit does not overwhelm all the rest, not steer the rest towards an individual vision. There will be more support and encouragement for turning the idea of individual leadership on its head, with a healthy respect given all who make up the circle, not just those who are comfortable in the middle of the circle.

This does not mean we will need to discount those of us whose gifts tend to catch attention and hold it rapt. The most powerful blends include both delicate and strident scents. I support and encourage each of us to hold precious to our true and essential natures, to feel the vibrancy of our different qualities, and to notice how they imbue and enhance our community, even if we are washing the dishes instead of cooking the meal.

We move from the individual hero into the time of the heroic blend. In this blend we call Reclaiming, we come together under a common banner. The spirits beneath that banner are as varied and complex as my drawer of scents from around the globe.

Together we create something new, something strong, and something potent. On the streets of San Francisco, on the streets of New York, London, and around the globe, our powerful blend infuses the widening stream of other who, working together, are bringing in a dawn of a new age.

Reclaiming Feri

I wrote this many years back for the British Reclaiming Newsletter - I have been going through both my blog and old articles and felt compelled today to post this... with a few small edits. More will follow!

For many years now, when asked what flavor of witch I am, I reply “Reclaiming Feri”. Considering myself such, I make an uneasy peace with what formerly felt at odds. I now practice, teach and initiate from this perspective, and there are a growing number of Witches and priestesses who identify similarly, many who are active in British Reclaiming. So, what is Reclaiming Feri? Answering this question requires first an understanding of the relationship between Reclaiming and Feri. My coven Matrix and Windhag sister Starhawk was one of the founding mothers of Reclaiming. She brought to it a Feri flavor, being a Feri initiate of Victor and Cora Anderson. Her book, the Spiral Dance, primer on Reclaiming style magic, is full of what previously was considered solely Feri concepts and teachings. Some of these concepts, like the pentacles of iron and pearl, and the three souls/selves, have become core teachings of Reclaiming.

Although many of the teachings of Reclaiming and Feri are in alignment, there is one huge difference between them. Reclaiming in not an initiatory tradition, while Feri is. You can be a witch and priestess in Reclaiming and never get initiated. It is purely a personal rite, with no special privileges or material you can’t access otherwise passed on. In Feri, you are only considered a Feri witch and priestess upon initiation, and material which is core to the tradition is revealed only at that time.

For the first decade after Reclaiming was founded, there was considered to be two Reclaiming initiations. The second one was, in fact, a Feri initiation. This is how I, and others in the Reclaiming coven Triskets, came to be Feri initiates. This coven sprung from all of us (myself, Reya, Thorn, Gwydion, Anne Hill, and Patti Martin) preparing for “second initiation” in Reclaiming. At this point, there were only five or so others who’d gone thru “second initiation”. We conversely made things simpler and more complicated in Reclaiming regarding Feri. We simplified things in that we all became clear that this “second” initiation was really initiation into the Feri tradition. To my knowledge, no one in Reclaiming considers there now to be a second Reclaiming initiation. We complicated things by popularizing even more Feri concepts into wider Reclaiming, like the Black Heart, the Peacock God, and aligning the three souls. We both made it clear that Feri was a separate and distinct tradition, meanwhile infusing Reclaiming with a stronger dose of Feri flavor and tools.

Feri had previously been a tradition that did not publicize or advertise itself, most practitioners believing that students would magically find the path to the right teacher, and many not charging for their teaching. Reclaiming, on the other hand, is one of the most public traditions in the Craft, with no qualms about advertising itself, recruiting students, and charging for teaching.. Reclaiming stresses openness and accessibility for all, while Feri has valued selectiveness and a low profile.

Just as Feri has influenced Reclaiming, now Reclaiming witches who have been Feri initiated are now influencing the tradition of Feri. In the past, to study Feri by it’s very definition meant you were on an initiatory path with your teacher. Now, there is a rise in Reclaiming style workshops and trainings which teach Feri concepts and materials, with no common goal of students being initiated into the tradition. My Triskit coven sister, Thorn Coyle, with her book “Evolutionary Witchcraft”, and her advertised large trainings, is a perfect example of this, but by no means the only example. More and more Reclaiming witches who have been initiated into Feri are teaching Feri material within Reclaiming community and beyond.

Naming myself a Reclaiming Feri witch and priestess, I acknowledge that I, like many others, am a hybrid of the two traditions. I honor and respect my friends, family, and students who choose to not become hybrids, who strongly believe in the Reclaiming value of non-hierarchy, and want to keep initiation as a personal commitment, not a requirement to be part of a tradition or community.

As with everything, both Feri and Reclaiming traditions are made of both shadow and light. The same can be said of the hybrid – Reclaiming Feri. I helped create Reclaiming’s Principles of Unity and try to live by them. As a Feri initiate, I also gave my oath to not pass on, except at initiation, certain Feri materials. This is arguably antithetical to the values of Reclaiming, a tradition that strives for all to be in circle as equals, with no inner and outer court of secret material. In Feri, there are inner and outer court names for the Guardians and Gods, the inner court being revealed to initiates only. Calling in a circle with inner court names with non-initiates present would be considered sacrilegious to Feri. In Reclaiming, all hangs out, with an open door to access to the mysteries, initiation or not.

To be Reclaiming Feri is to struggle with contradictions and marvel at paradox. For over a decade I’ve been theologically examining what I’ve gotten from both traditions and what it means to be a hybrid. I’ve tweaked and shifted many of my practices, and even the way I initiate. My black heart of innocence now beats in harmony with a green heart of consciousness and a pink heart of compassion. I’ve found that, for me, the point of power on the Iron pentacle is better balanced by a point of compassion on the Pearl pentacle than with liberty. I honor the power of names that I’ve received from Feri, the magic that resides in each and every syllable and letter, but in Reclaiming style, I’ve reclaimed each and every name I’ve received, listening intently until I have found my own names for the sacred, deepening my relationship to each God/dess and Guardian. The secrets I hold are now my own.

What is Reclaiming Feri? How have elements of each tradition impacted the other, for better and worse? What does it mean to combine them? What mistakes have been made? These are questions that could be widely asked, with no rush to answer definitively. There is something distinct and particular being created as more and more Reclaiming witches receive training and initiation into Feri. Feri continues to be impacted as a tradition by the influx and interest of Reclaiming Witches. There is power in recognizing that something new continues to be created, and for all of us to examine the theological underpinnings of the hybrid, continuing to invoke in supposed Reclaiming fashion, the questioning attitude.