coindependence

Several weeks ago I went back to therapy. At this point in my life, I have a pretty good idea of the major storylines and mythic dramas that lay beneath the surface of everyday reality - and certainly have become skilled at the blended art of being both protaganist and author of my own epic tale. I'm blessed with friends who will hold a mirror up to me if I'm starting to hold myself in unattractive poses, or am putting myself down when I should be basking in my own radience.

Nevertheless, this is a time that calls for the engaged, non-invested paid witness - or as we know it, a damn good therapist. This year is a time of change. My household, my workplace, my spiritual orientation, and my relationship to my relationships -all are in transition. And of course, having a 13 year old son with raging hormones just as my hormones start to rage - well, that's enough to warrant more than one sturdy licensed professional.

My dear friend Reya coined the wonderful term "coindependence". This is turns out is what I am working on, working towards . I strive to feel my connection to the life force, to all living things, to my community and my loved ones, while also staying in my own skin, aware of what is and what is not my business, exercising the freedom and liberty to be myself, mindful of other's boundaries and of my own. As a therapist, I've savored Reya's concept, believing that it's always more powerful to work towards something, as opposed to against. It goes along with my magical beliefs in that I have found it is more effective to work with energies as opposed to trying to bind or stop energies. Love is the ultimate power, and I would LOVE to be coindependent rather than try not to be codependent.

So, it is with great joy and a smile on my face that I report that the experience of working towards coindependence in therapy really is quite a different experience than my work in the past when that other word was thrown around. I took in three vignettes to Jeb, my therapist, and told him I wanted to figure out what to do from the stance of coindependence - and wow! the work really hummed along with a smile. I marvel once again at the power of a simple word, of how changing a name changes the nature of the thing. A rose by any other name might smell as sweet, and yet.....