where's the fire?

Fern had warned me earlier this week that given the eclipse on Friday and the new moon in Aries, that I would a real hothead this weekend, feeling lots of anger and rage. She’s was planning to stay clear of me. She’s seen me angry before, and it is formidable. I’m normally pretty easy going, with excellent antennae for picking up the humor in tense and complicated situations. But when I’m angry, I’m fierce. One good friend says she can see my hair growing when I’m seething. I don’t tend to seethe long before I blow. And then after I blow, usually pretty quickly I can start laughing again. Right now, thinking of when I’ve been hopping mad, makes me laugh. Well, except for some notable and regrettable exceptions.

So, I keep scanning, looking for where some ember of hurt or resentment is smoking towards ignition. There’s plenty of sticks I could be rubbing together, living with the cast of characters that I do provides plenty of fuel, but there’s no smoke as of yet. It’s making me think about anger, and how the scariest kind for me is the kind that is icy, that’s frozen and sharp and hard yet brittle. I feel much more comfortable in the land of fire, of eruptions and explosions, rather than the silent Artic vastness of frigid rage.

So I haven’t been angry yet, but last night went with Ilyse, her mother, and Lyra and saw “The Upside of Anger”, which was fabulous. Joan Allen played the mother of four girls who’s husband has left her, and her anger is mighty. Then I came home and spent time with my friend Dan, who is here for just a few days from Florida. I became close to him in the months surrounding the WTO in Seattle. Of all the activists I have know, Dan excels the best at staying out of the us vs. them paradigm. I remember holding him as he sobbed and lines were being bloodily drawn on the streets of Seattle. What sparks anger and outrage for the majority , seems to drop Dan down into a sea of compassion and it’s companion, sorrow. He also happens to have the best damn sense of humor that I can think of.

So, I haven’t been angry, but I’m thinking about it. Perhaps me exploring the theme of anger at this particular time was written in the stars. Predictions have a funny way of coming true, especially in unexpected ways. Fern says I’ll be fuming this weekend, but instead, I go to movie focused on one woman’s fuming, and spent a lot of time reflecting on anger and rage. Or maybe in few minutes something will happen which will spark an incredible explosion. If so, I’ll hope that it will be one of those deposits in the memory bank that is withdrawn with a hearty laugh.