My new life style involves lots of walking. Walking involves lots of seeing. Yesterday in Noe Valley
The two men were a large white guy in saffron robes and a much smaller Asian guy in jeans and a tee shirt. Both were American. The visuals were striking, and kind of funny. But, again, more striking and to me, amusing, was the energy. The smaller guy was looking up to the other, and not just physically. He was asking questions. The big guy was giving ANSWERS. He used the word attachment several times, explaining how unproductive it is in a spiritual life. And, he was clearly attached to giving answers and being looked up to. Everything about him radiated narcissism, and not the healthy kind.
I’m so glad I observed this. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about narcissism and how my spiritual traditions seem to exacerbate and sometimes even create it. Reclaiming is a fertile ground for extroverted narcissistic tendencies to blossom, what with easy access to being in the center of the circle, a focus on empowerment within a climate of no accountability, and the persistent thought form that our magic is the only thing that can really change the world. Feri is fertile ground for narcissistic introverts, with its ooga booga, secrecy, and persistent thought form that those who receive “the current” are special. The hexing that is so glorified in some Feri circles suits narcissists nicely. Somebody pisses you off? Well, gather your energy and do a spell to annihilate them! In Reclaiming, the spellwork is not encouraged, but like in other Pagan and feminist groups, female bullying is common.
How to deal with narcissism is one of the things I think a lot about as I endeavor to integrate and make sense of my two traditions. Is it possible to create spiritual community where healthy narcissism is encouraged, but not the disorder? In the over-culture ruthless self interest is encouraged above all else, and those who are narcissistic tend to be successful in business. Is it really that different in spiritual communities? Following the man in the saffron robes and his acolyte, I was provided the visual aid that we are not alone. Spiritual narcissism happens in all traditions. Heck, it even happens among the Gods!
Yahweh is a classic narcissist. Charming and with lots of charisma, he turns on a dime and smotes those who don’t look up to him or have the audacity to disagree with him. Zeus, too, is a classic case. Narcissus himself, well, he is the cautionary tale that those who focus solely on the love of their own beautiful reflection literally starve. As with us humans, the male’s narcissism is more overt, and the female’s not so easy to point at. There certainly are Goddesses who are raging narcissists, but I’m not naming names.
The literature on narcissism says that the majority of narcissists are men. I think that’s wrong. Or maybe those who’ve researched it have never been in feminist, activist or magical circles. The new research on situational narcissism has a lot to offer those of us from these communities. Fame can create pathological narcissism. So can continued teaching of witchcamp. The energy between the men I followed down the street was familiar to me. It went beyond the student/teacher dynamic. There is danger in being looked up to. Especially spiritually. We can start to expect this and see it as the natural order of things, creating grandiosity that is fed by adoration and that grows hungrier and hungrier instead of becoming satiated.
Knowing about narcissism and how it operates is useful for everyone who lives in human community. Being able to name it, even better. I’m grateful for my little turn around a corner I wasn’t expecting. I know we Witches are not alone. I’ve seen it, with my own eyes. I’ve felt it, with my own sixth sense. And I've treated it, as a psychotherapist. The research on narcissism shows that it's steadily on the rise, we are becoming a culture of narcissists. Taking a walk down any road will mean encounters with narcissism. Even the spiritual path of the Witch.
12 comments:
Brilliant! I especially like how you can make psychology inform your Paganism, and vice versa, without feeling like you have to throw one of them under the bus. Right now I am just thanking my lucky stars for smart and funny friends.
I like your prompt, and probably also would have observed...
Playing fair requires a Goddess name, and so I'll add the biggest femme narcissists I know (one extrovert and one introvert): Inanna and Ereshkigal.
My one reservation about "narcissism" as a term/concept is the way it has been systematically deployed against Queer men, almost as though it were designed for that purpose.
I also worry a bit about importing terms that point to disconsonant idea structures that don't match up with the religious worldviews they're applied to. Freudian "ego" has done a lot of violence to spiritual vocabularies... his deployment of that term (or his English translators--I'm told it's clearer in German) is responsible for more intercultural mis-comprehension than anything else I know of.
It also seems like the concerns you express re: healthy vs. unhealthy forms point to the nature of these diagnostics as intrinsically ideological, as does psychological reliance on adjustment to a highly disfunctional, self-absorbed and destructive middle-class society. Narcissism, like most other Reclaiming peeves, seems to me like a re-contextualization of normative middle-class traits (such as also surfaced problematically in 60s-70s culture).
"fame can create pathological narcissism"...that's the quote i was trying remember the other day...
similar to "power corrupts"
More than class, this brief musing on Descartes seems to get at the root of both micro and macro manifestations of negative self-centeredness:
http://www.orionmagazine.org/index.php/articles/article/2968
"The part of the truth Lord Acton did not realize when stating “power corrupts” is that the corrupted seek power. Only people not able to grow tall from their own efforts and achievements seek to subdue their fellow man; only people not being able to find comfort in their own mind seek to silence others; those who are unable to produce their own wealth aim to confiscate the wealth of others.
Power does really corrupt, but it is as true that corrupt people seek power"
maybe the problem isn't that fame creates narcissism, but that narcissists seek fame
Thanks for bringing in an important facet, that I'm good at in person, but not good at in my writing:
Humor!
As long as we can laugh at ourselves and with each other, narcissism will have a harder time taking root.
Here's a question for you, do you think a "narcissistic phase" is necessary during a persons growth into self-hood, power, and fuller autonomy?
I touched on this in my blog of a few days ago where I said that "if other people don't like it, fuck 'em" seems to be a necessary part of spiritual development. But some people get stuck there and that is not so helpful. Seems like some form of "narcissism" (damn, that word is a pain to spell!) or self-centerdness is similar.
Great quote, Judy!
the power of the internet..so much information at your fingertips!
fame can create pathological narcissism
I have a cunning plan for that. I have briefed all my friends that if I ever turn into one of those media-loving Pagans with a crowd of disempowered acolytes hanging on my every utterance, they have my full permission to give me a kick up the arse. I hope I never will turn into one of those types, but I figured I had better take out some form of insurance...
It seems that narcissists are drawn to paganism. I completely agree that many women are narcissists--they just display the dysfunction differently.
Much research has been done on this and it is fascinating.
http://www.matrifocus.com/SAM06/review-nonfiction.htm
What a fantastic article! I really enjoyed reading this, and learned something as well. Thank you, my friend, you continue to bring light and wisdom and insight. x
What a fascinating post, thank you. The part that spoke to me was:
"a focus on empowerment within a climate of no accountability"
and summed up what I had been struggling to articulate after I first read the principles of Reclaiming, I'll Pass On The Saccharine. Taking responsibility really is essential, otherwise what are we, whatever tradition or path we espouse, except a talking shop?
May I add you to my blogroll? I enjoy reading your posts.
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