please and thank you

There should be a name for that moment right before you get news that could change your life. Don’t we all know that moment, know that feeling? The phone rings in the middle of the night, and before we pick it up, we have it. We hold the envelope in our hands and it comes on strong. It is fear, but also something else, particular unto itself. Many times that moment is actually hours, if not days. We wait for the results of the biopsy, for the results on the big test we took, we wait to hear if loved ones survived when disasters hit. We wait for friends to come out of a coma, we wait to see if a surgery is successful, we wait to hear something and we hope that it is good, that it won’t involve loss or suffering.

That moment, whether an actual minute or a stretch into days, is the place where no matter the faith, no matter the religion, we all tend to enter the same psychic space. Whether anxious, shut down, self-medicating, or stoic, most of us are emitting a mighty PLEASE.

I think even atheists emit this PLEASE, this strong psychic request that the outcome be good. Whether our beliefs or not, it’s part of our humanity to experience and enter this moment when we know life is held in the balance, where we wait to hear or see which way it falls, and we hope and can’t help but emit the psychic request for a good outcome. An atheist might say that it’s moments like these that humans invented a God for. And, they’re probably right. Because, in these moments, I do think we all are asking like crazy, something, somebody, make this turn out right. And, it’s much more comforting to believe something, somebody, is listening. I believe an atheist can be in foxhole and not believe in God. However, I think atheists and the devout alike enter a similar state of please. The devout just have a name to attach it to. And the devout Pagan, well, we have names of countless Gods, Goddesses, and all the elements to say please to.

I’ve been in this moment now since Thursday. A huge fire is raging in the hills above Santa Cruz. My sister’s family and animals had to flee, and they now are being housed amongst friends. They are safe, and that of course, is what is most important. But, the house is beloved, having been designed and built by them off the grid, with a garden that took twenty years to get to where it is. If it gets burned, they all will be devastated. Plus, it’s under-insured.

There have been moments when things have looked pretty bad, like when leaving they could see the fire approaching their hill. There have been times it’s looked good, like now, when we just heard the house is still standing and that the firefighters have created a fire break right before it. But, the fire is still raging, and the fire fighters told them there are hot spots all around that could still erupt. It’s not yet a sure thing that the house will survive the fire.

Besides my sister and her family, I know and care deeply for another family who has been evacuated. I know they are safe, but I don't know about their home. The moment that I am writing about most often occurs when we are aware that things are in the balance for ourselves or those we love. But, occasionally we feel it more globally. Cyclones in Burma, earthquakes in China, towers hit in New York, hurricanes in New Orleans; for most of us there are times we come to attention and enter that moment for others we don't know or personally love.

Annie Lamott says there are two basic prayers, help me, help me, and thank you, thank you. I think she’s half right. I think there are two basic prayers and thank you is definitely one of them. But the other is not help me so much as PLEASE!!! Isn’t it funny that good manners really are the language of spirit? My allies demand them, don't yours?

I sent out word on Thursday to many of my Pagan friends and family to send their Pagan prayers. A friend devoted to Brigid assured me she’s on the case. Another friend put rainwater on her altar and asked for rain. Others are working with air for the winds to become still. Everthing and everybody seem to be cooperating, as the winds died down on Friday morning and drizzle and fog covered the mountains.

Moments like these you become acutely aware of the precariousness of life and circumstance. There is gratitude, fear, tenderness and strength all mixed up together. There is deep yearning for things to turn out right, and for the Fates and the universe to work in our favor. This is the moment we want to believe in magic and know that it will work. We all know this moment, and yet there is no name for it. Or is there? Maybe this moment is really a concentrate of what is actually always happening, what is always going on in and around us. Maybe this moment is simply life.

Please let this fire be contained and no more homes burned. Please let my sister’s home be safe and standing. Please let me get to the place where the thank yous take over. Please? Thanks!