spellwork

Soon after 9/ll, as the president was beating war drums, and I could feel a blood-dimmed tide being released upon the world, I pledged myself to a particular piece of magic. Believing strongly that what happens between the worlds affects all the worlds, I pledged myself to working towards my spiritual community being in alignment with it’s principles of unity. I remember being on the deck of what we call the “cookhouse” up at my land in the Sonoma hills, talking to my friends about pulling in my energy and working on making a difference in our local community, a community that many of us were disillusioned with. I spoke passionately about my belief that this was a spell, our tending to our own backyard, creating a climate in which those principles of unity would flourish, a community which we were all proud to be part of, of our microcosm affecting the macro. I drove back to the city committed to no longer staying silent when I saw us veer from our principles, committed to acting as if it truly was a community which embraced the questioning attitude and could tolerate a diversity of opinions, and committed to saying my piece with as much love and kindness as I could muster.

The rest, as they say, is history. A little less than four years later I’ve been forced out and literally disallowed to participate in a long list of “community” groups and events, including being fired as a columnist for our quarterly publication. Others have also been bullied and blacklisted as well, but I have the dubious honor of being the most public and prolific in my expulsions from the garden. I also have had the most paradoxical of experiences, in that although I am shunned by many locally, I am held in esteem by those who have liked my columns, liked my style of witch camp teaching (which I’m barred from doing locally), and find inspiration in my adherence to the principles of unity. Other than locally, almost every idea I’ve planted has taken root. Witchcamp structures are moving away from supporting hierarchal pay scales, the idea of accountability and transparency are being embraced, and diva style priestessing is no longer emulated.

I continue to mull and muse on what is my work in regards to completing or letting go of this spell I embarked on, this piece of magic I pledged myself to. I find myself an outcast from the very backyard I was intent on tending, that mattered to me so much. I find the parallel between what I feel about the United States and what I feel about local Reclaiming to be painfully familiar. Both have these exquisite documents which were meant to be strong and guiding foundations from which to act. According to Reya, the Declaration of Independence was actually signed on August 2nd, on Lammas. It, like the Reclaiming Principles of Unity, is a magical document. The Declaration of Independence and Reclaiming’s Principles of Unity are moving in their vision, their breadth of purpose. Like so many others, I love them deeply. And like so many others, I don’t recognize them in the actions and energy body of what was built around them.

I also recognize that the U.S. is a war-mongering, capitalist empire responsible for much human suffering on this planet, while Reclaiming is simply a fastly growing pagan spiritual cult which has probably alleviated much more suffering than it has caused. They are similar only in the remarkable discrepancy between their ideals and their actual being (and this is most potent for Bay Area Reclaiming) and similar to me personally as they have been so much a part of my identity for so very long. As an American, I’ve struggled since a young teenager to hold my country to it’s ideals. I’ve been a part of Reclaiming since it’s early beginning. I helped create our principles of unity. I find myself now estranged from both, this country of my birth, and this “tradition” I helped birth.

I believe deeply in magic, in the power of spells, in our every action mattering. The spell I set out to do four years ago is still in motion, it’s being worked and working me. I've learned a lot, including that it serves no one, especially myself, to serve as a community scapegoat or whipping boy. Perhaps connected to this spell is the strange occurance of my coven sisters intensely debating the nature of Lucifer, one of them having invited him to dwell in her and work thru her. I've had the experience of falling from grace and being booted from my spiritual cloud. And I can't say it was good for my character. Even if Lucifier started out as a great guy, I can see why he became the Devil. I've had to work hard not to be bitter, mean, and full of ill-will....or conversely, bending over backward to prove I'm not the monster I've been portrayed as. Overall, what I've gone thru has not been good for my soul. It's been damaging, and I think that may be one of the teachings of that story. Getting kicked out of your circle of spiritual cohorts because of your beliefs damages you, is truly hell. And add on to that then being cast as the devil, master of all evil, that's gotta twist you up. It certainly has me! Lucifer is no deity I'm likely to call on, emulate, or invoke. It's freaking strange that he's now making the rounds in the Reclaiming Feri worlds. My experience of the past few years has resulted in my energy being brought closer to home, of tending to my own personal healing while keeping my vision wide. I continue to wait for further instructions. Perhaps at this point there’s nothing I really need to do but pay attention. And perhaps really tend to my own backyard. It needs some work.