a call for help
“There's a lot of ugly things in this world, son. I wish I could keep 'em all away from you. That's never possible"
Atticus Finch
It lives close by. For the few, it’s kept at bay for a lifetime. For most of us, there is at least one close encounter and many near misses. For all of us, from birth to death, it lurks within our peripheral vision, with its ubiquitous threat.
Violence.
I grew up in household where it seemed to explode out of nowhere, rocking the house and shaking me to the core. This was during the decade where it also came through the television in relentless waves. At seven I witnessed my President’s killer shot dead in real time in black and white. My generation grew up with that hopeless little screen pulsing it to us directly, uncensored and unfiltered.
As an adult, my body has felt its impact only when I’ve faced it down. Taking action against it often has meant putting myself in its way and wake. I’ve been shoved, hit, choked, and gassed as a result of peacefully standing up for a more peaceful world.
The past few weeks I’ve worked with others who have recently done the same. From the therapist chair I’ve witnessed the confusion, fear and pain that are wrought by a sudden encounter with violence. Can you ever really prepare for the visit? When I did trainings in civil disobedience, I thought so. Certainly it helps to find a resoluteness of spirit and connect to something bigger than yourself. But, there is always a toll taken, a scar on the soul if not the body.
This week my son had an encounter with violence. His best friend was beaten and kicked repeatedly in the head, while my son ran and called the police. His friend is alive, with no major damage, and three gang members are in jail, two of them adults. My sixteen year old son has replayed the encounter many times, questioning whether he should have stayed and fought. That’s what boys are supposed to do, to put up their dukes and fight for their friends. He’s my son, and he did not fight. He called for help, and help came.
Now I question whether he should to stand up against violence, to bear witness against it, and in doing so, possibly bring it on in full force against us. Tuesday we meet with a district attorney who specializes in gang violence to assess what ramifications my son testifying could have. I think I already know.
I have believed it’s important to try and do as little harm as possible in traversing life and to do what I can to devoke violence and face it down. That’s why I like the Wiccan Rede. That’s why I have no truck with calling myself a warrior. Because I have the power to heal, I know I could also hex. True strength means not doing so.
Like my son, I won’t put up my fists on this. But, damn, I sure as hell am calling out for help.
Atticus Finch
It lives close by. For the few, it’s kept at bay for a lifetime. For most of us, there is at least one close encounter and many near misses. For all of us, from birth to death, it lurks within our peripheral vision, with its ubiquitous threat.
Violence.
I grew up in household where it seemed to explode out of nowhere, rocking the house and shaking me to the core. This was during the decade where it also came through the television in relentless waves. At seven I witnessed my President’s killer shot dead in real time in black and white. My generation grew up with that hopeless little screen pulsing it to us directly, uncensored and unfiltered.
As an adult, my body has felt its impact only when I’ve faced it down. Taking action against it often has meant putting myself in its way and wake. I’ve been shoved, hit, choked, and gassed as a result of peacefully standing up for a more peaceful world.
The past few weeks I’ve worked with others who have recently done the same. From the therapist chair I’ve witnessed the confusion, fear and pain that are wrought by a sudden encounter with violence. Can you ever really prepare for the visit? When I did trainings in civil disobedience, I thought so. Certainly it helps to find a resoluteness of spirit and connect to something bigger than yourself. But, there is always a toll taken, a scar on the soul if not the body.
This week my son had an encounter with violence. His best friend was beaten and kicked repeatedly in the head, while my son ran and called the police. His friend is alive, with no major damage, and three gang members are in jail, two of them adults. My sixteen year old son has replayed the encounter many times, questioning whether he should have stayed and fought. That’s what boys are supposed to do, to put up their dukes and fight for their friends. He’s my son, and he did not fight. He called for help, and help came.
Now I question whether he should to stand up against violence, to bear witness against it, and in doing so, possibly bring it on in full force against us. Tuesday we meet with a district attorney who specializes in gang violence to assess what ramifications my son testifying could have. I think I already know.
I have believed it’s important to try and do as little harm as possible in traversing life and to do what I can to devoke violence and face it down. That’s why I like the Wiccan Rede. That’s why I have no truck with calling myself a warrior. Because I have the power to heal, I know I could also hex. True strength means not doing so.
Like my son, I won’t put up my fists on this. But, damn, I sure as hell am calling out for help.
Comments
May his path be safe.
May his voice be heard.
May they live in peace,
All who hear this word.
May he decide well, for him, whatever that decision is.
And peace and comfort to you, honey.
Casey is in my heart. I am calling (as is my Clan Obligation and Right) our hearth-clan Mysterious Ones to pay attention, stay alert, to guard and protect our boy. I leave it totally up to Them to figure out how They will do this. Bridget is more than happy to take this project on. She is spreading the word as I sit here typing.
I suspect that it is high time we reexamine how we set our boundaries, protect our hearth-clans, nurture our beloveds. I suspect we do not have the same understanding of what 'Cause no Harm' actually means.
If we embrace the notion that we are accountable for our every choice, how do we judge what action causes the least amount of harm? It seems, that whatever action we choose, something will be touched by change, be it the microbes, the great whales, the very air we breath, our dear beloved children, etc.
I have never been able to stand aside while physical hurt was happening to my dear ones. I have found myself in situations in which an action was called for now. There was no time for a long internal (or external for that matter) debate. I have reacted in a variety of ways. I have talked our way out of the situation. I have grabbed my person and ran like hell. I have called for help. I have physically blocked punches. I have slowly lured (bewitched?) an attacker to follow me to the steps of a police station. I have thrown people to the ground and sat on their chests until things have settled down. I have called to the multiverse for an immediate karmic return. I have called on the Nine Fold Blessing (May this gift that has been given, be returned to the sender 9 x 9.) I have not so far found one sure action for every situation. My goal is simply to stop the damage that was happening at that moment.
Does all change have at least a whiff of violence in its makeup?
What is hexing? Now here is a question that deeply stirs the cauldron.
What is our obligations around protecting, nurturing and defending our feres, hearth-clans, families, etc.?
What would we choose to do in the face of physical violence to our beloveds? A stranger? A red-blood? A green-blood? The Earth?
Is setting up of a spell working to bring an upwelling of earth wisdom into a group of unknowns (the RNC In ST. Paul) without their permission a hex, a blessing, both and more?
May we all dare to dwell in beauty, balance and delight.
I live in an extremely violent society, and I can't answer the question for you.
For myself, as for Donald. I have found a variety of responses, each according to its time and place, have had to suffice.
You are best placed to know whatever action, or non action, is the correct response here.
Love,
Terri in Joburg
Difficult questions.
Talk about standing in a cross-roads.
Find myself wondering about BINDING. Neither healing nor hexing.....somewhere on the continuum betwixt the two.
How hard to have this move up-close and personal (to one's child). And for Casey, just as he's at a stage in life where he's starting to make choices defining himself as a man.
love to you both
I don't know what the best answer is in your case, but I am holding you and your son and his friend in the Light.
I also hold in the Light those gang members and any others who might consider acting against your family. They need to have that spotlight shine into their hearts.
Blessed Be,
Michael Bright Crow
Holding you all in the Light,
Cat
Call on the powers of all in your group because you face the power of another group. This is the most important thing you can do. Do not stay alone. Two against one and all that -- there is wisdom in that old saying
I think C did the right thing in calling for help. Sometimes we can't cope with a situation on our own and knowing when to call for help is important.
You are both, mother and son, brave, loving and wise. Sending healing and much love to you.
Shira
I nominate your blog for an "I Love This Blog" award.
I think your son was brilliant - in his actions. I've looked up the meanings in the Oxford dictionary:
"Shining with light, reflecting light, outstanding intelligence, A cut in the diamond."
Being able to have a light in the mind and reflect out that light.
It is good to seek out help. Share, pull resources and witness.
I hope your son is doing OK. And you as well.
love Elizabeth
Your son was probably very confused and unsure of how to respond so he did what he could to save his friend.
*BUT*
Please consider this: What is so good or honorable about one who is "non violent" to the point where they will not even defend against an immediate violent attack on themself or their family/loved one, yet they will summon defense and allow police or another to come to the rescue, how is it right ?
Your son is "non violent" yet he lives in a city of violence and is unprepared to defend himself or his family. This is foolish because none of us are above being the target of violence.
Walk softly but carry a big stick, a bigger attitude, viglilant awareness, and extra ammo.