branches up, roots down

There should be a name for that moment right before you get news that could change your life. Don’t we all know that moment, know that feeling? The phone rings in the middle of the night, and before we pick it up, we have it. We hold the envelope in our hands and it comes on strong. It is fear, but also something else, particular unto itself. Many times that moment is actually hours, if not days. We wait for the results of the biopsy, for the results on the big test we took, we wait to hear if loved ones survived when disasters hit. We wait for friends to come out of a coma, we wait to see if a surgery is successful, we wait to hear something and we hope that it is good, that it won’t involve loss or suffering. That moment, whether an actual minute or a stretch into days, is the place where no matter the faith, no matter the religion, we all tend to enter the same psychic space. Whether anxious, shut down, self-medicating, or stoic, most of us are emitting a mighty PLEASE...

My new life style involves lots of walking. Walking involves lots of seeing. Yesterday in Noe Valley I ended up walking closely behind two men. I followed them around a corner I didn’t need to turn on, and continued on for a block or so purely because I was intrigued by their conversation. Actually, that’s not true. I was intrigued by their energy. The two men were a large white guy in saffron robes and a much smaller Asian guy in jeans and a tee shirt. Both were American. The visuals were striking, and kind of funny. But, again, more striking and to me, amusing, was the energy. The smaller guy was looking up to the other, and not just physically. He was asking questions. The big guy was giving ANSWERS. He used the word attachment several times, explaining how unproductive it is in a spiritual life. And, he was clearly attached to giving answers and being looked up to. Everything about him radiated narcissism, and not the healthy kind. I’m so glad I observed this. I’ve...

“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” Isadora Duncan A lot can happen in one lifetime! I just got off the phone with my girlfriend and I am stunned. The California Supreme Court has just overturned a gay marriage ban in a ruling that will make our nation's largest state the second one to allow gay and lesbian weddings . We live in this state. So, she proposed to me. Again. In my early twenties, when I was riding high on the second wave of feminism, I had to be bought off to attend my sister’s wedding. I was against marriage and loved to quote Isadora Duncan on the subject. In fact, I quoted her immediately to my sister when she called to ask me to be her bridesmaid. My father followed this call up with one of his own, and in this call, he exasperatedly said that given that he wouldn’t have to pay for a wedding for me, he’d buy me a car if I would be a bridesmaid. Ano...

It was almost exactly a week ago that I landed back in my beloved city. This afternoon I finally feel fully at home. There’s a barley risotto simmering on the stove and the smell of rosemary, sage, and fresh spring garlic is wafting through the house. Barley is very low on the glycemic index, something that is important if you have diabetes. Using herbs from my garden, it is on its way to becoming just as tasty as the arborio rice risottos I cooked in the past. If you are managing diabetes with diet and exercise, rice, for the most part, is out. This Beltane is a time of change, the barley being one of many. I spent a lot of time today on my rooftop garden, weeding, watering, and cutting the herbs that would go into tonight’s meal. Amidst the plants and with the lovely gnome Chomsky presiding, I mused on all the Beltane energies at play. At Samhain and again at Beltane, the veil is thin between the worlds. At Samhain, the veil is thin between the living and the dead, b...