to speak or not to speak....

The Spring Equinox is drawing near, that one day when light and dark, night and day hang in perfect balance. It’s been warm here in San Francisco, one of those glorious weeks of clear skies. The tulips on my deck burst open yesterday, and this afternoon I’m writing on said deck, with some bird twittering away in a nearby tree and the rumble of freeway off in the distance. All week I’ve been ruminating on listening and silence and been thinking about the witch’s pyramid; to know, to dare, to will, and to keep silent. This is said to be the building blocks of creating magic. But what does this mean?

The longer I’m a witch, the less I ascribe or am drawn to magic that involves a high level of secrecy, a feeling that what is being worked with is so powerful it would be dangerous in the wrong hands. I know the power of casting a circle and using the secret names I was given at initiation, but frankly, I’ve found that cleaning my house with intention is more often than not just as powerful, and certainly as effective in changing things between the worlds. Most magic I do now is fairly out in the open, with very little being veiled. Is keeping silent part of our legacy of being in mortal danger if practicing the Craft? How truly important in living a magical life is keeping silent? What does this mean thealogically as we begin as witches to live life in the open?

Perhaps because of equinox, and prompted by a blog by Anne on Elders, I’ve been thinking on the balance between listening and speaking, and on knowing when to keep and break silence. Being a psychotherapist, I listen for a living. This is something I do well, dropping down and entering my client’s stories, paying acute attention to the story that is being woven with their choice of words, hearing not only what is being said, but imagining and questioning what is being omitted. An integral part of the therapist’s craft is knowing when to speak and when to keep silent. When I speak up as a therapist, I speak as an agent of healing change, in the hope that my words assist my clients in what they came to heal or transform. To know, to will, to dare, and to keep silent are all things I employ as therapist. But I also employ the breaking of silence, saying and drawing out what has never been spoken.

In Wiccan community, which in my case means the Reclaiming community, I’ve been one of the first to speak up when something feels off to me. At this point, I’m famous or infamous for it, depending on your point of view. Starhawk wrote about my speaking up years ago in her book Truth or Dare, using me as a shining example of someone who overcame the “inner censor”. I spoke out to a large group that I had concerns about a piece of magic that we were being encouraged to do by the priestesses in charge. It turned out many were feeling similarly but were afraid to say, so the plan changed. My guess is that if Star now used me as an example, it would not be so shining. Being the first to speak is a role I’ve been playing too long and it’s become stale. I’ve been working on keeping my silence more often, being keenly aware that in communities, like in families, we can all get accustomed to playing roles that no longer serve us or the community's health.

Last week, after much reflection, I spoke out against something I felt was wrong. It was a personal matter, and I'm still feeling the repercussions. Being silent would have made things easier on the surface, but there would have been a festering that would have lasted this lifetime. I can't stand festering, but perhaps it's something I need to get better at enduring.

The sun is beginning to set, the city is awash in pinkish gold that soon will be dimming. When to speak, and when not to speak....for me, this is the question. I know I’ll be ruminating as spring turns to summer on the witch’s pyramid, on this idea that knowing, willing, daring, and keeping silent are the base and foundation of doing magic. Right now, I’m looking at silence. When does silence equal death, and when does it allow for something different and new to be born? This equinox brings with it the heightened awareness of how every truth is balanced by its opposite, how paradox is the heart of mystery. Listening and speaking. There’s a time and art to both. And I do it for a living. How weird is that?