walls and winds

As the walls came down in the flat below me, the effect was felt all the way in Portland, Oregon. For many years I owned this house of spirits with Patti and Karl. The walls that came down this week were the walls of their son Colin’s room, for they have moved and my friend Ilyse has bought their flat. She’s removing the walls of their old bedrooms to create a big living room, kitchen and dining room space, using their old living room as the new bedroom. This has been in the planning for almost a year, but of course as it actually happens, it coincides with so many other things moving, changing and opening up in our lives. My housemate of four years, Fern, moved out this week, just as all the walls came down. And, Patti called from Portland, saying Colin had been struck by a sudden attack of homesickness for this house. Of course he had. The walls had all come down to his room, and even the ceiling no longer remained the same.

I’m doing my best to simply keep breathing, to keep focusing on balance –the balance of taking in and letting go, of giving and receiving, of holding on and releasing. Breath is so basic to living, it’s almost ridiculous. Focusing on the breath really is about the most healing thing a person can do. It’s the basic meditation, the most versatile tool in our human toolbox.

This will be the first time in my life I’ve lived alone. I have my son half time, so it’s not truly alone, but certainly the first time I’ve been the only adult in the house. So strange to realize this at fifty-one! I’m proud that Fern and I have been able to comphrehend that it was time for us to no longer be housemates without making each other bad or seperating with ill will and hurt feelings. Instead, we have spent the last few weeks nostalgic and grateful for our time together. My son will be in high school next year. As I write this, he and three friends are sprawled out in the living room, talking loudly and emitting adolescent aura. Who would live with this if they didn’t have to? This too, this teenagehood, is a transition.

The past two days have been bright but a wild wind has been whipping thru our hilly city. The walls are down, and the winds of change are upon us. Remembering to simply breathe, that’s the trick!