branches up, roots down

Unbelievably, it's raining. I leave my bedroom window open just enough for my cat to come in and out. Sometime past midnight I felt him curl up next to me, his fur wet and cold. I thought I was dreaming, but woke later and realized different. Steadily, softly, it's been raining all day. The grey is pervasive. A rainy grey June day. Our world and weather are changing. My son leaves for New Mexico on the 13th and we are still aiming to close on the house business by the 15th. We have a fantastic loan agent working for us, but there are several balls still in the air. The only person who can release an important document is out sick, and we're waiting to hear back from two other people on other stuff before we can go forward. It's all nerve wracking and stressful, Patti and Karl's new house deal contingent on this one being done by the 15th. I've been living with uncertainty regarding the house for more than a year. It's all now down to the wire, and that wir...

Strangely, this allowing myself to be depressed has opened up my dream life. My good friend Anne Hill is a dreammeister....she gives workshops in dream incubation and helps people explore their dreams. I work with people too on their dreams, but my own rarely seem to warrant much exploration. I've tended to have dreams about showing up to my favorite restaurant and my reservation being lost, or finding myself at an elegant gala wearing purple hot pants. Epic dreams are rare. Epics seem to be the stuff of my waking life. I'm still immersed in paper work and the stress of house transition. Things have not been going well. I've learned lots by letting myself sink down into grey. There has been moments of respite, but right now, things are grim. And my dreams are haunting me, in a way that truly is new for me. Last night I had two dreams I can't shake. The first: I'm traversing thru a huge construction that seems to be underground. It's a concentration camp that ha...

What goes up, must come down. Last weekend was a festival of the senses, a decadent dip into the most intoxicating currents of the life force. There is a kickback to running the Feri current, or at least there is for me. I returned to work on Tuesday and found myself traversing the rivers of loss and grief. Two clients lost parents this week. One had to make the decision to pull the plug/ cut the cord of life support for her father. Once removed, he died in a few hours. The other sat with her father as he lay dying. She sobbed as she told me that he spent his last words on telling her that he loved her. In the midst of this, 48 hours before papers were to be signed on Ilyse buying out Patti and Karl and becoming a co-owner of our three-flat building, we found out our loan had not been approved. It’s been a painful week. Already we are in process of getting a new loan. The deal will eventually go thru. I’m familiar with the rivers of loss and grief; I’ll be a good guide for my clients. ...